She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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