It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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