can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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