I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
