so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
