Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
