she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
