my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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