Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
