hotel room ftw
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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