You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
love makes seman taste better
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
