JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
