I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
