Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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