my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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