Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
