So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
