Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
