OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
