so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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