Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Of course I have a pirate flag
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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