I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
