last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I looked at my own cervix.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
