you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
