put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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