My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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