new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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