you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
