1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
