God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
