Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
