Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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