I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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