Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
