No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
