Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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