Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
