even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
