Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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