you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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