do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
