i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
