i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
