she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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