were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
