someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize