i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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