I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
