The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
