CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Everyone says I win the strip club
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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