I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My ATM looks so different sober.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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