proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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