Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
