There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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