Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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