I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
