I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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