Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize