the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
we should paint friendship bongs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
