At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
