It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
