I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
