you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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