Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
