so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
