Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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