Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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