The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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